Coming Together: Practical tips

Atmosphere – We are trying to be aware of our bodies in space. Where are we? Sitting or standing? Outside, in the wide open air, or in a room? Can you see everybody’s face or at least know that you could? Sitting in a circle connects each person with everyone else and minimizes the hierarchy. The space and how you occupy that space matters.

Setting priorities – For us, part of the responsibility of the facilitator (or group of facilitators) is to organize the logistics and think through the details for being as equitable and inclusive as possible throughout the process. What is your priority? Is your priority to include as diverse voices as possible? If so, how will you maintain that priority throughout the event and not just in inviting a diverse group? Again, process is key; making sure everyone is part of the journey throughout the journey, not just the beginning (showing up) and the end (making decisions, for example). If someone wants to be present and engaged, that is wonderful and it is a gift to all others including the facilitator(s). But if someone needs the space not to be fully engaged, that too needs to be respected and accepted, without prying unless it seems appropriate. Open arms without judging someone for their lack of more concentrated engagement, has become important.

Who – Who is coming to your event? Have you reached out to all the people who should be there? Have you sent out the group messages and perhaps individual messages and gotten a confirmation of attendance? Have you facilitated the attendance of those who may have more challenges in getting to the location? (Can they read maps and navigate the public transportation system, if that’s available? Do they have the means for paying for that system?) 

Language makeup of the group – For the people with native languages from other parts of the world, do you have a clear understanding of their language skills for those used in the meeting? Or do you have translators? It is not enough just to understand but to also feel that you can and are encouraged to participate in the discussions. Is the space comfortable enough so that people with more challenges feel they can ask for clarification when needed or are they pressured to ‘go along’ and pretend?  

Translators/Interpreters – Do you have translators for those who might need to focus their attention on content instead of language learning? Even if the person is a solid speaker of the language, a lot of meaning and subtlety can be lost. How can you make the atmosphere comfortable enough so that nobody takes it personally if there is a translator for someone who has a good knowledge base? It’s about priorities: As facilitator, it’s up to you to make everyone feel at ease. It’s up to you to equalize the opportunity to have as best an understanding and exchange as possible. If someone is left out because of language or because of understanding a certain percentage of the discussion but is unsure about what was missed, then the whole group suffers. Don’t forget the translators between Croatian and English so as not to take them for granted. We often have had Arabic and Farsi translators but forgot to formalize the Croatian-English ones as some of the discussion went from Croatian to English to another language and in reverse. Knowledge production and exchange is rarely balanced but a lot can be done to aim toward equity. 

Timing and space – Give translators a chance to translate and ask them to do it together instead of some people doing it simultaneously and others waiting for the pause. Those doing it simultaneously, especially in small groups and spaces, can make it difficult for others to hear above the whisper. The translators and their listeners who wait for the pause, then perhaps feel pressured to hurry up.

Sometimes we take for granted our time, energy and effort. We cannot always be aware of the situation in everybody’s life. Make time and give space for processing, for absorbing information, for generating ideas, for expressing feelings. 

If the energy is low, decide whether it is time for a break or for a game of sorts. Don’t forget refreshments and food!

Power and participation – Some people’s voices might be dominating. The power dynamics can be intimidating. Make sure that everyone is having an opportunity to speak. Some people might require an invitation to participate even if a general invitation was vocalized in the beginning. Navigating communication between people is never easy. In a respectful way, invite others to share their thoughts. But also respect people’s desire not to participate. It can be intimidating to speak in a larger group or with certain people. One option is to break the gathering into small groups and try to facilitate that each person speaks within the small group before relating the thoughts to the larger group. All our voices want and need to be heard. Read the room, seek the balance. Avoid lopsided conversations where some people are completely bypassed. 

Communication hiccups – Another possibility is that the exchange turns sour. Provocative or offensive comments (they can be unintended, spoken in haste, anger or out of hurt)  if left unattended, unmediated,  will lead to further discomfort. Even if some actions, words or attitudes  would be left to be dealt with later, it is important to timely acknowledge them. Be aware that rising energy in conversations will lead to disrupted listening, potential misunderstandings, conflict and harm. Loud voices hear only themselves. If there are some disruptive tendencies, like interruption, gently suggest alternative ways to communicate. 

It is worth internalizing the idea that while some people say “Yes” they mean “Maybe”; when some say “Maybe” they mean “Yes” while others mean “No”. There are those who say “No” but actually mean “Maybe”, and so on. You get the matrix. 

Photographs, recordings and notes – Make sure to explain and get permission from attendees if there are going to be photos, or a video or audio recording or even taking notes. Usually recordings are not great as they can be intrusive and make someone feel they are being watched or listened to. If it is for internal purposes, explain the reasoning and how it is expected to be used. It is good practice, even if you have permission of people at the moment of making those audio or visual recordings, to check back with them and get their consent if you plan to share any of the content publicly through social media, for example. Circumstances change over time. Even if you have permission on that specific day, and you don’t publicly share anything until several months later, contact the participants again and explain the usage, context and again get their permission. 

If you are taking notes, try to have a summary of notes that you can translate and share with everyone in more than one way if necessary to help give a sense of follow-up or even closure depending on the topic or event. 

Agreements and guidelines – Ahead of a gathering you can come up together with a list of agreements or guidelines to follow throughout the meeting. Make these guidelines clear to everyone. One important guideline, we have found, is the agreement that what is shared in the gathering, especially personal stories, information and feelings, does not get shared outside the gathering. We should only share outside of the group if, again, we have the permission and consent. Privacy is part of building a sense of security and comfort because of the trust we have built and continue to maintain. Take care. We are all continuously learning together. “What is said here stays here, what is learned here leaves here.”